The Christian world has been quite abuzz the last few days. For those of you who don't reside in that world, I'll try to explain. Exodus International, an organisation which sought to help gay and lesbian persons of faith change their sexual identities, has come out with an apology about its programs and has announced that it is shutting down and seeking to create a more welcoming, inclusive, and dialogue oriented ministry for GLBT persons of faith. For a number of us, this is, in so many ways, a coup de grace. Exodus has, largely, been the face and the driving force behind the reparative therapy movement. If you don't know what reparative therapy is, I suggest Googling it. "Pseudo-scientific mental torture" would be the descriptor I would use, but I'm biased. That Exodus has come forward and said "We're sorry, we were wrong" is really a sign that, guess what, we -who have been demonised for so long- were probably right.
But you'll have to forgive me, as I simply can't celebrate right now.
When I first heard the news, I was thrilled. I thought that this might be the "game changer" that so many of us have hoped, wished, and prayed for. It might very well, in fact, be such a thing, however, instead of being happy, I've moved onwards to a point of anger. Deep, moving, and passionate anger.
As one who's, to no avail, tried the reparative therapy approach.
As a person who has been excluded from a church for their sexuality which would or could not change.
As a person who has both wounded and been wounded by friends and family over the issue of their sexuality.
And as a person who's, from a professional standpoint, seen so many folk be so utterly destroyed by Exodus and the programs they sanctioned, I simply am not at a place where I can be happy.
Let me try to explain this a bit more....
This week has been, to many of us who have been down these and similar roads, a bit like being a rape victim and hearing your attacker say "I'm sorry, I was wrong." I can appreciate the sentiment. I can hope that the words are true. I can even force myself to try and be gracious towards you. However, you'll still have to understand that there's a part of me which, in no uncertain terms, would like to beat the utter shit out of you, Exodus. You hurt me. Not only that, you and your practices caused me to be placed into situations where I was hurtful towards and hurt by those I loved and cared about. Because of you and the beliefs you put forward, I have seen friendships, relationships, and opportunities torn apart and blown away. Mind you, I think I'm pretty happy with where I am now, but I wouldn't wish the road I've walked on anyone. Even you, Exodus. The worst part, however, is that I'm one of those who was strong enough to walk the road and survive. There have been so, so, so many men and women who have not been able to face the road and reality they were on while undergoing reparative therapies. In so many ways, their blood is on your hands. And so, if only for their memories, I refuse to let you off the hook. I can accept your apology, but that doesn't cut it. Not for a damned moment.
Personal thoughts aside, even from a professional standpoint, I can't let you off the hook. Have you given thought to exactly how many folk have watched their systems of faith be shredded beyond repair because they were not able to change themselves? Do you know just how many people I meet who say "Yeah, I grew up as a person of faith....and I will never go back....." These were the people who you told that they might change their "sins" of same-sex attraction, if only they had the proper amount of faith and the tenacity to see things through. Now you tell us that people probably can't change? That's a bit like saying "Whoops, I guess that wonder-drug really did cause cancer!" The damage has already been so thoroughly enacted.
You can say you're sorry about this all you want, but you still need to do some massive accounting.
Exodus, you can say you're sorry and I'll do my best to believe you. However, you need to recognise that you abused us. You spiritually raped us. "Sorry" is only the first step in the process for both of us to find healing. I can say that I really would like to commit to trying to find a way towards a day where I can forgive you. I imagine it will require some penance on both our parts.
So, in sum, "sorry" is a nice place to start and I accept your apology. Hopefully, others will too. However, only when your actions ring true to the words you speak will we truly be able to be at peace...
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