This blog post is the first I'm writing that will be shared with the wider SONKA group of clergy and lay leaders. I thought that, for my first post, I'd find myself writing about something I did well, something I could give advice on.
Funny how that works, eh?
Instead, here I sit, with a burning desire to talk about nothing other than: self care.
Bloody. Self. Care.
If there is one thing in this world I am not skilled at, it's self care. Translating ancient languages? No problem. Organisational leadership? Piece of cake. Public speaking? Can do it with half of a functioning brain cell. Self care? Good Lord, I'm terrible.
Admittedly, I'm not really geared towards self-care. I'm a do-er. I'm a mover and a shaker. I do not sit still very well. I love a challenge, the more, the better. I love to push myself. On top of all this, I come from a cultural and family background that says "If you're gonna' do it, do it right and see it through to the end!"
Currently, I'm in my first full-time pastorate. All of the above skills have served both myself and my church in great ways over the last nine months. Growth has been seen. Life has been re-born. Action has gained traction. Networks have been built. Programs have been developed. It's been miraculous, really.
And after nine months, I am circling the burn-out hole like a 747 over O'Hare.
Don't get me wrong, I started my call with the best of self care intentions. "I'll take two days off per week to make sure I'm getting the rest and recovery I need" said naive I. That worked for a bit and then...well, church happened.
You know the situations. Boom, someone dies. Boom, personnel crisis. Boom, leadership crisis. Boom, maintenance crisis. Boom, boom, boom. (And usually all within one week.) It doesn't seem to matter how many leaders you have, how much you delegate, or how much others try to take things off of your plate. The church eats time and energy like an unsupervised Honey Boo-Boo in front of a plate of biscuits and gravy.
I'm saying all of this, not just for the catharsis, but because I'm pretty sure I'm not alone. Every other minister I know seems to fight the battle of self care. Some of us are, like me, compulsive "do-ers." Some of us are "rescuers." Others are "self-sacrificers." No matter what your professional pastoral neurosis, it seems we all are a bit, well, crap-tastic at caring for ourselves.
You'd think we'd all be better than we are at caring for ourselves. I mean, we have trainings. We sit seminars. We read books. We know what the who, what, why, when, and how of self care is supposed to look like. It's just that we also know what the realities of our callings look like as well. Full days away from the physical church and emotional church life just aren't entirely realistic concepts for many of us. Sure, some of us benefit from healthy churches with multi-person staffs, so it's easier to say "Peace-out, yo...you're herding the cats today!" For most of us, however, we're in single pastor parishes, where we are trying to lead revitalisation, re-birth, change, etc. We're the sentinel at the city gates, so to speak, and everything flows by us out of necessity, if not choice.We know what we're supposed to do for delegating, boundaries, etc, but it's just unfortunately not realistic to our situations. We dream of the day when we will have leaders developed to the point of handling things themselves. We dream of the day when we will have folks who take true ownership in their church. We dream of the day when people will trust one another enough to call each other directly with business and not use us as some sort of "Ma' Bell" stand-in.
It's just that today is not that day and neither is tomorrow. Next week doesn't look promising either...
So, what to do?
Burn fast? Burn bright? Burn out?
That seems like a waste, really. I think we know our selves and our callings well enough that none of us are truly interested in such an emotional and spiritual drag race.
I honestly don't know if I have any answers, but I do have a thought.
Those who know me well know that I have a bit of a strained relationship with rules. While some people love rules and guidelines, I'm more of the thought that they were all created to be broken, or at least amended. So I would offer that maybe we should think about shredding the rules of self care and creating something new with their ashes.
For me personally, I can't realistically expect to take a full day off from the church. If for nothing else, global communication just seems to make this an impossibility. I can, however, find at least 24hrs of unplugging each week. For the last two weeks I've been enacting a period of "unplugging" for at least 6 days of the week. Usually this means shutting ye-old iPhone off from 7-10, parking in front of the TV with a glass of wine (or 3) in my hands, and getting mindlessly lost in some TV show or movie. Moreover, I've taken to making Sunday afternoons my requisite day to get outside and do something. (Again, preferably with the iPhone off...)
I can't say this will be for everyone, but I can say that it helps. It's not the same as a week in Cabo, but it does seem to provide enough of a respite to keep me from dreaming of running away and joining the circus.
I'd be interested to hear if others had any particularly helpful practices for a-typical self care? Just don't anyone tell Post-Ord how bad I am with all of this. Then I really will need a week in Cabo...
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